Swells

As I was looking for a file on my computer, I came across an old IM conversation that I'd saved. Did I mention that my computer is a dinosaur and has a lot of stuff saved on it? Well, I read the conversation. It weighed out the pro's and con's of going to Kenya. At the time I wasn't sure if I was supposed to go or not and was trying to prepare for a future with the man I loved and finish my degree. No one ever tells you that there can be a lot of set backs because of missions. I wonder what would have happened had I not gone. It's not that I regret going and walking out on what God called me to. It's only that I wonder...I could be married by now to the man I love. I could be starting my career and maybe better yet be pregnant with my first child by now...

This morning when I was on my way to campus to take care of some things, I was talking with God. I told Him that more than anything in life I wanted to be a great wife and a wonderful mother. I told Him that I loved Him. I sang to Him and prayed for my husband that will someday be and our kids. My heart swelled with love for Him, my future husband, and my kids. That's become the case for a while now. There's so much love it brings me to tears...