I have been there before
I've walked a couple of miles in your shoes
Though we didn't have a house and all the pomp and circumstance yet
I saw all my dreams crash around my head
And break my heart
Names of children picked out
Career paths talked about
Weaving our lives together
Many nights by him
Many mornings resting my head on his chest
Families met and supported
Rings purchased and worn
Our love stretched across state borders, oceans, and foreign lands
Three years of our lives spent
I thought he was the one...
My children would call daddy
And I'd grow old with
But his anger wouldn't subside
And I couldn't shake a violent act I saw
I tried to be strong
I tried to be there for him
But I couldn't shake my fear for myself or my unborn
I couldn't answer yes to my questions anymore
Would he be a great husband?
Would he be an excellent father?
I didn't want to be that woman who loved her husband so much that she defended his abuses
So I ended it...
Thinking I was just fine
I started seeing someone else
One word can only describe that...
Disaster
Alcoholism hid well as did his bipolar ways
It all compounded matters
Put off the healing needed
I got over the rebound quickly
But months, many months passed before
Healed from all that embodied him and us
Many months with each day filled with tears
Unable to sleep
Unable to eat
Unable to do much of anything
Broken heart in a million pieces
I mourned what seemed to be the death of my future
A year an a half to heal
Love can do crazy things to the heart
I'd like to say I hope your story is different
That healing comes quickly and heart ache ends swiftly
I believe our past experiences are only shadows
We look back at our experiences and say, "That was not love"
We exercised it and seemed to know it's deeper meaning
But they seemed to forget
Or maybe they never knew that love is always kind, always gentle, and covers over all else
They knew not love and only abuse
Battering our hearts and almost all hope
But real love and God calls us to move on
To take the time needed for the mending of our hearts
To allow room for love to take root again for those who can reciprocate it
To give life a chance
Now I don't know what life will bring
Specifics are always unknown
What I do believe is that the best in life has yet to come...
2 comments:
Indeed; healing was not at all fast, nor was it what I expected. But in time, a true story is weaved where God's love is revealed in truth, and more than our stated dreams of our pasts.
Thanks for revealing your heart. Its one of many aspects of your beauty that I will always admire and respect.
God's blessings to you.
Thanks friend :) I wrote this poem for someone I'm seeing who's going through a lot right now. A lot of what you and I went through...
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