Grace...

Again I face this screen wondering how much or how little to share. I woke up again at 5:30 and headed out of the house at 6:30. It's a practice I'm kind of starting to enjoy as everyone is still asleep and the sun is mid sky and dew dresses the grass.

I almost didn't make it to church yesterday, but prayerfully did. It was strange though, things were different. The youth pastor and half of the youth group I work with was gone. Someone lead worship and another shared a message, but everything was different as if it were an awkward fit. Afterwards, I started talking with a friend and somehow the topic of how memories are attached to places arose. He started talking about three major cities he'd visited with a girlfriend and how every time he goes to those places he remembers her. Well, how ironic it is that we were standing in a place (church) where my memories are attached. I love my church, but it was "our" church. The place we called home after 8 months of looking in this awful state. Went through member classes together. It was ours. And it hit me that he was gone and possibly not coming back. I started to tear up and my friend said, "Well, if you love him why don't you just get back together with him." All I could say was, "It's just not that easy." I had to excuse myself from talking and go to the bathroom as tears welled up and I couldn't control them. I find myself doing that a lot most recently.

In the afternoon after having lunch with Jim and Rhonda Thomas (an older couple he and I had gotten to know), I went to Crossroads. And surprisingly enough, he was there. And wearing a shirt I bought him to boot. But hey, I'm still wearing the ring he gave me. Part of me wanted to run and hide and the other wanted to just run and hug him. But I did neither. I tried to play it cool like I hadn't just cried about him not being there earlier in the day. Fyi, he's supposed to be moving to NC. And I figured, if he wanted to say something he would initiate contact. I think he tried to twice casually, but who knows.

After finishing up some BBQ and volleyball, people started to head in for the service. It was a good service that talked about "walking the line" ie. walking like Christ. The movie Walk the Line was literally incorporated into the service. It made me realize how much I am in need of grace. Not just from God, but from him...

And it is here where writing will stop if only momentarily and lead into prayer...